If you want to build a fence around your house but don’t way to pay for it, just be a big enough dick that all your neighbors around you build fences.  Then the whole world is your back yard!

My First Insane Fan

I had just posted about the Chat Widget I installed on my site, and sure enough I got my first chat request from someone visiting the site.  She said her name was Megan and that she liked my work and thought I was cute (I was 110% certain that “she” was one of my friends f*cking with me).  In any case, she talked to me for about half an hour until I was wanting to get away and this is how the convo ended:

You Must Be This Tall to Ride Your Dreams

When I was in high school I wanted to be an astronaut.  Like seriously.  A real life astronaut.  I was young, naive, and thought that nothing could stop me.

Now I know what you’re thinking.  Everyone wanted to be an astronaut or a supermodel photographer when they were young, big freaking deal. Everyone also has a reason why they didn’t follow through on their dream.

Well let me tell you mine.

When I was looking at colleges I went to NASA’s ‘Astronaut Requirements’ website to figure out what degree would be best when I stumbled onto a little piece of information that changed my life:  The Height Requirement.

See I’m short now, about 5 foot 5 and a half inches.  In high school I was even shorter, about 5 foot 3 inches.  The requirement for being an Astronaut Pilot was between 64 inches and 76 inches tall.  Do the math and that equals 5’ 4” as a minimum height.  Ouch.  Do you remember that feeling of not being able to ride a roller coaster because you weren’t as tall as the cut-out bear holding a lollipop?  That’s how I felt for my life.

I felt so small.  I couldn’t understand how such a devastating rule could be in existence.  You would think that a multi-million dollar spaceship would have adjustable seats, even Pinto’s from the 70’s have them.

So in short (no pun intended), rather than risk not growing taller and wasting the first few years of college on a degree towards being an Astronaut, I took the easy way out and studied Business.

I just wish they’d stop calling me ‘Pee Wee’ at work.

Jake Hurwitz Offers Up Some Encouragement

So Friday Night I got drunk and decided to email Jake Hurwitz of CollegeHumor to see if he recognized me from my work on the website and to validate my hobby as a writer.  He emailed me back Monday morning.  (Remember I was drunk when I wrote this message, I’m not sure if Jake was.)

The article Jake refers to is here: http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771580

Jake Hurwitz’s websites include http://jakehurwitz.tumblr.com, http://www.jakeandamir.com, and http://www.collegehumor.com

My Party Foul From Friday Night.

So I decided to be a nice guy Friday night and buy a round.  The waitress was busy so I went up to the bar.  I ordered 5 drinks, and I was standing right where the waitresses come up so she sat the drinks on a stack of round trays.  I figured this would be the most convenient way to carry the drinks plus people will get out of your way if you’re holding a tray, that’s just science.  So I picked up the tray and walked back to the table, and I was right, people will dive out of your way if you’re carrying a tray, I might as well have had a siren.  By the time I got up a few steps and back to our table I was feeling pretty confident.  But here’s the kicker, I started showing off my serving abilities until I just spilled my entire tray all over everybody.  The worst of it went on a guy I didn’t know so I had to buy him a drink.  So I ended up spending over $40 on one round of drinks.  Sweet.

Lesson Learned:  Leave serving to the professionals.

I was in the tanning bed today and fell asleep.  When it clicked off I turned it back on for 5 minutes like a snooze button.  I did that 3 times.  My skin hurts.

I spent most of the day today re-making my webpage.  I think it’s pretty sweet to be honest.  Click the comments below and justify my wasted day by agreeing with me.  The template started out as all green so I had to find every little image and re-make and re-link it.  I just couldn’t figure out how to make the very bottom not green, but oh well.